This kind of awareness can prove to be disastrous for their future relationship.
Can such awareness be tolerated, and can it be avoided? The comparative value of the partner "Comparison is the death of joy.” Mark Twain In his excellent book, Passions within Reason, Robert Frank tells the following story about a woman who asked her colleague the following question: "Why is it that the people I fall in love with are never interested in me, whereas the ones who do fall in love with me are never the one I care about?
Marriage to a significantly "inferior" partner is a compromise that often leads to low marital quality and to divorce.The comparison can refer to the perfect prince mounted on a white horse or it can be to the next door neighbor.Moreover, in evaluating the partner’s "score" we have some choice in allocating the relative weight of each characteristic, and hence the overall picture of this person can be positive." Her colleague replied: "You're an 8 constantly chasing after 10s, and constantly being chased by 6s." How could this woman know that she is an 8 and not a 7 or a 10? Once you evaluate your partner to be inferior to you in an overall manner, you are faced with making a profound romantic compromise in terms of the partner's value as a person who exists independent of you.This evaluation might also be made by other people and the results might be compatible, as they often are.In this kind of compromise, you acknowledge the partner's inferiority compared to you or to other people, and this is very painful and insulting for both of you.